I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
