i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
