The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I touched a dick in church today
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
