My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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