i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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