last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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