even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
