Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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