we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
