Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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