I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
