6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
