I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
