I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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