i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
