If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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