I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
