Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
