Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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