i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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