It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
