She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
