textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
