As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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