talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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