I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
