Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
