The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
