just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
