it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
