I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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