We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
