wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
