if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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