I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
