I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
