Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
