I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm having to shit out rocks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
