apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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