this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
