i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
