Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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