Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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