I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
