so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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