She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
