Yo dont text me then not text me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
