Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
