All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
is that a dick in a sweater?