I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.