she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person