Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.

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  (631): we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die. http://tfl.nu/91t8
  Replies (23) Good night (705) Bad night (3957)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...

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  (724): i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it... http://tfl.nu/6i0l
  Replies (12) Good night (1284) Bad night (3868)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  how many servings is brandon's dick?

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  (203): nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body (508): how many servings is brandon's dick? http://tfl.nu/n1yr
  Replies (57) Good night (5362) Bad night (846)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.

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  (778): She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done. http://tfl.nu/3wcc
  Replies (8) Good night (3702) Bad night (894)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.

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  (+44): Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago. http://tfl.nu/hd48
  Replies (8) Good night (1185) Bad night (3394)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

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  (208): I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in. http://tfl.nu/ba7z
  Replies (13) Good night (4408) Bad night (1954)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?

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  (732): why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos? http://tfl.nu/di91
  Replies (14) Good night (3814) Bad night (930)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week

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  (312): Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week http://tfl.nu/5mzo
  Replies (12) Good night (1813) Bad night (723)
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  (760): View more from California

  I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart

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  (760): I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart http://tfl.nu/0amr
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (607)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.

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  (816): He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship. http://tfl.nu/hu0s
  Replies (4) Good night (1657) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

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  (832): after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations. http://tfl.nu/2l5l
  Replies (14) Good night (1640) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...

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  (302): OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but... http://tfl.nu/stjw
  Replies (6) Good night (927) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions

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  (908): Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b? (340): It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions http://tfl.nu/22dq
  Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (440)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us

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  (305): I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us http://tfl.nu/syu0
  Replies (3) Good night (427) Bad night (649)
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  (909): View more from California

  If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember

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  (909): If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember http://tfl.nu/dijp
  Replies (1) Good night (381) Bad night (179)

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