I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.