I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
