Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
