just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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