You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
