Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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