Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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