Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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