I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
