Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
