Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
