you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
