This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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