My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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