you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
