how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
