It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
