I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
