Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
