her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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